'NSYNC's Kirkpatrick Offers Peace Plan In Eminem/ Moby Beef

"I would like all of you to know that I am fine, that the scuffle at the MTV Awards involving Eminem, Moby and Eminem's trusty friend who threw my pooping paper in the air did not result in permanent injury," the comedian wrote on his official Web site. "I only wish Eminem could relax and enjoy all he has: his unique talent, and his smooth white hair, which brings to mind a beagle's nutsack. He should lighten up ... I mean, my mom was a bitch too, but I don't go writing songs about it. --Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

From The Onion:

Heimlich Demands Maneuver Royalties
CINCINNATI—Lawyers for Dr. Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich maneuver, warned Monday that the doctor will sue anyone who performs his patented procedure without paying royalties. "The Heimlich maneuver is a registered trademark of my client," attorney Steve Greene said. "We are prepared to protect Mr. Heimlich's proprietary rights, even if it means filing a legal injunction against any non-royalty-paying choking victims."

Oh, hehehehehehehe

Uh, I lied. Does anyone give a crap about Guns and Roses playing? 'cause I couldn't care less. I could seriously do without that bit of high school nostalgia right there.

I actually downloaded Like I Love You a few days ago, and I like it a lot. I can't tell if I'm simply blinded by BSO lust or if it's actually good. But I think it just might possibly be good. I'm not sick of listening to it yet. It's not NSync, that's for sure. His performance kicked ass. Again, not sure if I am being objective, but anyway. That rocked. And Chris is looking very studly tonight, but then he always does. Jimmy Fallon's Lance impression cracked me up.

I still think Nelly should have performed Hot In Herre tonight. And Eminem needs to get his ass kicked.

Here endeth my running commentary on tonight's VMA's.

OK, Justin, it's all up to you now. You're my last hope, baby.

How are you supposed to be able to choose between The Vines and The Hives when they both sound exactly like the Nirvana rip offs they are? OK, I guess The Vines sound more like Nirvana than the Hives so they win.

OK, Marshall, if you are going to dish it out, you better be able to take it. Whiny ass baby girl.

motherfucking No Doubt fuck fucking fuckity fuck fucking lame ass losers

FUCK

And why the hell didn't Eminem do Without Me?

FUCK

Carson Daly is a tool and I hate MTV

I heart WQ. She is just my favorite person right now. I'm wallowing in Trickyfish nirvana at the moment.

I have decided that any story with Chris is a good thing. Chris with Lance is my favorite, but I also dig Chris with Justin or Joey. JC is not really my cup of sparkly tea. Chris is the little black dress of NSync slash for me.

Also, college algebra sucks ass.

I'm not sure why I even still post here. I never have anything important to say.

It seems wildly unfair to me that "Girlfriend" is not on the Pop Odyssey DVD. hmph I think that's my favorite choreography and I only have a crappy copy recorded the Atlantis thingy on UPN. All that sexy stalking back and forth across the stage....

You know, it had to be NSync, because it is possibly the only thing gayer than Smallville. And it's so relaxing. While it's true you can turn around now without tripping over NSync licensed merchandise (this was impossible a year ago), there is still lots of stuff around, if one is inclined to look. As someone used to special ordering practically everything fannish from Canada, it's a nice change. I'm not buying NSync fruit snacks, though. They are filled with gooshey stuff, just ew.

I rarely have fannish dreams. I think I can count them on one hand. I remember a Farscape dream, long ago during the first season. I'm pretty sure I have had a Buffy/Angel dream or two. I don't ever remember having a Smallville dream.

I've had NSync dreams every night for the past week. I'm not sure what this means, but I'm really not complaining.

I'm going to talk about "Signs" now, so if you want to see it completely unspoiled, you should probably bail now.

So I saw Signs this weekend. I was really excited to see it. Everyone is raving about it. People who's opinions I generally respect loved it. I hated it. With the burning passion of a thousand suns. Technically, I can't fault it. The performances are genuine and engaging. The kids were natural and the effects didn't overshadow the story. It's the story itself I have a problem with. And it's MY problem, and my problem only. What's the theme of this movie? Have faith and everything will be OK. Baptism will save us all. The last words of a dying person pinned to a tree will lead us to salvation. Fuck that right in the ear. It's like Mel Gibson says in the movie, there are two kinds of people, those who have faith and those who don't. I don't believe in faith. I believe in nothing and I believe in everything. You know that girl in American Gods who convinces Shadow that she believes in everything, even things that contridict each other? That speech really moved me. It's very similar to how I think about religion. It's possible that all religions are right, and it's possible that they are all horribly wrong. Either way, it doesn't matter to me at all. I will die, and I will find out for myself and so will everyone else. I refuse to live my life based on a 50/50 chance. Heinlein said it best, faith is a lousy way for a diety to run a universe.

37.5 %

My weblog owns 37.5 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

My Big Fat Greek Wedding is the sweetest, funniest and most romantic movie ever....and Joey is a sexy beast. That is all I have to report at this time.