Title: Unexpected

Author: Fangrrl

Rating: adults only, slash

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Summary: At the end of the world, Xander and Spike form an unexpected relationship.

Written for spring_with_xan, 05/25/07.

Prompt from 10_cliche_fics: I'm lost for words...

A/N: This started out as a short ficlet I posted to my LJ about a month ago. It's a complete story now, 13,700 words. Season 7 AU.

Many thanks to Electricalgwen and Mistress Tien for the beta.

Spike considers himself an observant vampire.

After all, he's had over a hundred years of experience observing the human condition. Trying to figure out what makes people tick, what makes them hurt, what makes them yearn. Easier to hunt when you can make the prey come to you. Make them ask for it. Make them want it.

And, they all want Spike in the end. Why wouldn't they?

But right now Spike has no idea what in the hell is going through Harris' pointy little head.

He'd been minding his own business, ignoring the boy and getting ready to go out for a night of whatever trouble he could find in Sunnyhell. Well, trouble that his soul wouldn't prick him about, anyway. Not much, in other words. Maybe a drink or five, maybe find a pretty girl to chat up. He'd showered and shampooed and gelled, the usual routine. Wasn't expecting Harris to be up, so he'd left his towel balled up on the tile and walked naked across the living room to his bedroom. Spike hadn't turned on any lights and was thinking about where to spend another dull, plodding evening -- he didn't notice Harris sitting on the couch. In the dark. The TV wasn't even on. Spike's senses didn't twig to his presence, which was a little disturbing if he thought about it too much. Because he wasn't used to the boy. Harris was an irritation to be tolerated on Buffy's behalf. He certainly wasn't tuning him out like white noise, like something that belonged in Spike's life.

No, he wasn't actually startled by the boy sitting there in the dark. He was sure on some level he knew Harris was there. He was just...preoccupied, that's all. He definitely didn't jump when Harris moved his foot off the coffee table with a thump. That was just his brain coming back online and putting his body on high alert for possible violence. Not a jump.

"What are you doing up?"

Harris doesn't answer for a long moment, and Spike is starting to get his hackles up over being so blatantly ignored, when the boy huffs out a breath and says, "Go away, Spike."

Yeah, like that will work.

"Now, now. Why would I go away when I can annoy you this much just standing here?"

No response to that from Xander at all. Spike can see he's just staring off into space, not even looking in Spike's direction. That won't do at all.

"Not going to tell me off again for leaving wet towels on the floor? Or for walking around starkers, offending your virgin eyes?"

That gets a reaction. Xander's head pops up and Spike knows he can't see very well in the dark, not like Spike can, but he can obviously see well enough to know Spike isn't kidding. His eyes go big and shocked and he sucks in a breath to start yelling, probably, and Spike gets that wicked little shiver he always gets from confrontation. Ah, Xander. So easy to wind up.

But all he gets is a big sigh, and Xander shakes his head and goes back to contemplating his navel.

Well, that won't do at all.

Spike flips on a light, so the irritation can continue. Xander squints his eyes against the light, then goes right back to brooding. Doesn't even tell Spike off for it, just goes right on ignoring him like the bastard he is. Doesn't he know how this dance is supposed to go? Spike is standing right in front of him, naked and bothering him and Xander won't even look at him. It's right annoying, that's what it is.

Spike isn't used to being ignored while naked.

He goes to his closet and grabs his smokes, comes back out and flops down on the orange sleeping chair that Harris kept when he moved out of the basement, for some god-awful reason. It clashes horribly with the other furniture. He slithers around, trying to get his bare ass comfortable on the cold vinyl and lights up. Still no reaction from Xander. He tries blowing smoke rings at his puffy face. Nothing.

"Xan-der..." Spike singsongs in a high-pitched voice, guaranteed to piss off poofy Sires and pudgy carpenters alike. Xander finally raises his head and takes a deep breath to tell him off for breaking about every house rule there is, but he stops. Stops the words that were getting ready to break free, stops moving, stops breathing and just stares. Xander's eyes start at Spike's feet and sweep all the way up his body and back down.

To say Spike is stunned is putting it mildly. He was prepared for Xander getting all red in the face and yelling at him to go put his kit on. Prepared for Xander to throw something at him for bothering him. For Xander to peek, take a furtive look from under his eyelashes while he called Spike rude names, that was expected. Not this brazen perusal of his body.

Xander still isn't looking him in the eye. He's clearly checking out Spike's package. It makes Spike feel naked. Which he is, of course, but he can't remember the last time he felt self-conscious about being naked in front of anyone. And he wonders if it's the soul making him feel like he should be dashing out of the room and clutching his dressing gown to his naked body. Spike crushes that thought with a vicious stomp.

So the boy wants to look. Who could blame him? He gathers his confidence around him like a blanket and chuckles to himself. The sound pulls Xander's attention away from Spike's cock and he finally looks Spike in the eye.

And what a look it is.

Xander's eyes are dark and strange and full of something Spike's never seen there before, not on Harris' face, not directed towards him, anyway. Heat. His normally goofy expression is gone, replaced with something older and wiser than his twenty some odd years. It's a knowing look. Like Xander knows that Spike is struggling in his own head, trying to figure him out, and he's not going to help.

It makes Spike want to squirm, that look. He resists the urge, but it's difficult. He stubs out his cigarette and stands up. Squashes the urge to use vampire speed, and forces himself to stroll back to his room at his normal pace because what the hell? It's just Xander. He's not going to clutch his bits modestly and scurry away.

He just wishes he knew what was going through the boy's head.


He hears Xander laughing when he goes in his room. Spike dresses quickly and is still pulling his shirt down when he stomps back into the living room.

"What the hell are you laughing about?"

Xander shakes his head at Spike, snorting with laughter. He's still sitting on the couch and Spike is trying to loom over him, but Xander doesn't look at all intimidated. He looks up at Spike and stares him right in the eye.

"I got you beat." Grinning, now.

It takes Spike a second to understand what Xander is saying. He means...Spike snorts in disbelief.

"Yeah, right."

"It's true. I'm the bigger man, Spike. It's okay. I'm not going to gloat or anything." The grin on Xander's face is three feet wide.

"No bloody way, Harris."

Xander just shrugs and looks smug. Spike feels fury uncurling in his gut, but tamps it down. He takes a deep, unnecessary breath, and feels a bit calmer. He's not going to rip Xander's throat out over something so stupid. The boy's clearly delusional, though. And Spike just can't let a comment like that go without a retort. It's bloody Xander, for fuck's sake. He considers what to say for a moment, and a wicked grin creases his face. He takes a step closer to the couch.

"How do you know, git? You've only seen my cock when it's soft. How big it is when it's hard, that's what counts, innit?"

"So you're saying you're a grower, not a shower?"

Xander is enjoying this palaver too much. Time to knock that smile right off his stupid face. Spike clutches his cock through his jeans, giving it a good squeeze. Xander just watches him, still smiling and affecting a casual air, but his cheeks are pink. Not as cool and collected as he's pretending to be. Spike feels a little bolder at that realization, so he pops the top button of his jeans. Runs his thumb over his length, which is getting harder, pressing against the button fly. Xander is watching, his fingers scrubbing nervously over his own pants legs.

Spike breathes deeply and inhales the scent of Xander's arousal. Oh yeah. He's definitely into this more than he's letting on. So Spike pops the rest of his buttons and pulls his cock out. He's big, and he knows it. Never had any complaints. He strokes himself once, twice, and Xander is staring, mouth open slightly. He's blushing and sweating a little now, and this whole scene is crazy and unexpected and it's hot watching Xander squirm. He lets go of his cock and Xander looks back up at him.

"So. Still claiming you're the bigger man here? Or is this conversation over? I can just go and let you lick your wounds in private, mate. Don't want to rub your nose in your...inadequacies. Wouldn't be sporting."

Xander blinks and starts chuckling again.

"Oh no, Spike. No way. It's bigger hard, yes, I'll give you that. But no. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I still got you beat."

And just like that Spike is angry again. It takes all of his self-control not to vamp out or growl at the impudent child grinning at him. Gritting his teeth, he spits out, "Prove it."

He doesn't think Xander will actually do it. The boy is blushing so hard he must be burning up with embarrassment. So Spike is honestly shocked when Xander only hesitates for a second before his hands go to his fly. Xander isn't looking Spike in the eye anymore, but he does open his pants. He stops and takes a deep breath. Runs his hand over his face. Then he reaches in his pants and pulls his cock out.

He's hard, Spike knew that already. He could smell it. That knowledge doesn't diminish the effect at all.

Xander isn't big. He's huge. Long and thick, and hard. His cock is as flushed as his face, pink and moist at the tip. Spike thinks he must have at least nine inches of cock there. He's longer and thicker than Spike for sure, and Spike has never felt like he lacked in that department. It's a cock that belongs in porn, or maybe sculpted and put in a museum for posterity to marvel over. Someone should write a song about that cock. It's beautiful. It's a monster.

It's a poem.

Xander is breathing hard, and his cock is moving in time with his heaving chest. Spike doesn't know if Xander is looking at him or not, because he can't take his eyes off that very fine cock springing out of Xander's jeans. He's so gobsmacked he barely notices that he's dropped to his knees.

Without thinking he's swaying towards Xander like a snake being charmed, mouth open and already drooling at the thought of all that cock sliding in and stretching his mouth wide. But Xander gasps and that sound grabs his attention and he looks up at Xander. And in that moment of clarity they both realize what they are doing. And with whom.

Spike shakes his head and stands back up. And bolts for his room. He buttons up, feeling sheepish and guilty and frustrated all at once, so he grabs his coat and stalks out the front door without looking at Xander.


When he comes back, Xander wants to talk. He's still upset, Spike can tell, but he's calmer now. He's sitting on the couch, eyeing Spike with trepidation.

"So, you want to tell me what that was about? Because I'm a little freaked, here."

"Yeah, sorry. Shouldn't have let it go that far. I'll just leave you alone for a while. Maybe...maybe I should move out, go back to Buffy's." Spike doesn't want to go to Buffy's -- he's finally figured out that Buffy is never going to return his feelings, and he's sick of chasing a lost cause -- but he doesn't want to stay here, after what happened. He stands up to go to his room and gather his things.

"No, Spike, don't. Just...can we just talk? Don't go to Buffy's. Unless..." Xander frowns. "Unless you want to. Do you? Want to go to Buffy's?"

"Not really. She doesn't want me there. I know that now." Spike meets Xander's eyes and sees that the boy understands. And maybe feels a little empathy for him.

"Yeah. I know. Anya..." Big sigh.


They share another look and there's understanding on both sides, now. Women.

Spike collapses on the couch next to Xander and sighs. God, he does not want to talk about this. Humans and their ridiculous hang-ups about sex.

" wanted to..." Xander can't even say it.

"Xander, look. I got carried away. It won't happen again."

And he's completely unprepared for the hurt he sees in Xander's eyes. But the boy hides it quickly.

"Okay. I just...I thought you were straight? And that..."

"It's not the same with vampires, Xander. Sex is just sex. Not all tied up with guilt and shame, like you poor sods. It all feels good, so why not?"

He watches Xander turn that over in his mind, looking at all the angles. And he's shocked again when Xander's eyes go wide with some emotion Spike can't pin down. But he thinks it might be excitement. He still smells like fear, though, and Spike has no idea what that means.

"So, you did want...that. You wanted wanted me. You wanted me?"

Spike rolls his head against the back of the couch and closes his eyes. 120 years of unlife and nothing ever changes. He's still caught up in this soap opera that just won't bloody end.

He rolls his head around so he can look Xander in the eye.

"Yeah, all right? I did. For one bloody second I wanted to suck your cock, Xander. What did you expect? You're hard and waving that bloody cudgel in my face. I'm a vampire! Not a human. Not used to curbing my urges, okay?" And Spike knows as soon as the words leave his lips that it's a lie, and he knows that Xander knows it too. The chip forced Spike into curbing his urges just fine, and even now, without the chip forcing him to restrain himself, the self-discipline he learned is still there. And the soul...well, he's not going to add to the pile of guilt already weighing him down.

Xander looks at him, that knowing look in his eyes again. When did he get so perceptive, anyway? Git.

Xander takes a deep breath. And Spike has no idea what he's going to say, because didn't they just discuss this?

"What if I said I wanted to?"

Shocked is too mild of a word to describe Spike's reaction to that question. He stares at Xander for a full minute, Xander's words hanging between them.

"Want to what?"

"Well. Maybe we could mess around?"

"Mess around? What the bleedin' hell is going through your head, Xander?"

Xander deflates and seems to sink into the couch.

"Never mind, Spike, jeez, do you have to be a jerk? This is kind of a big deal for me."

"No, I get that. But you can't even say it. And how do I know this isn't going to end with me as a big pile of dust when you decide you can't bear the thought of anyone knowing your dirty secret?"

"No, god! I'm not going to stake you, Spike. I just know what? Never mind. I don't want anything, okay. Just leave me alone."

"You started this, mate. I was going to leave, remember?" Spike gets up and stomps towards his room.

"Spike, stop. Wait. Fuck. I did this all wrong. I'm not going to stake you, and I'm not going to freak out. Much. I just thought, you know, the world is ending and we're all going to die, and maybe I should take a chance. I've thought about it before, you know? About what it would be like, with a guy." Xander's face is red again, and he looks nervous, but he isn't stopping. It's clear he want to confront this. Whatever this is. Spike still isn't sure himself.

Xander stands up and visibly pulls himself together.

"I don't know if I'm ready for the big gay sex, Spike, but there is something I want. I want to kiss you. Can I just kiss you?"

And there's that gobsmacked feeling once again. A kiss? Spike's been completely naked in front of Xander tonight, and gotten hard for him, and they've looked at each other's cocks, but the boy wants a kiss?

Spike knows his mouth must be hanging open in shock. He's so shocked he doesn't resist when Xander pushes him up against the wall and kisses him. It's soft and sweet at first, just Xander's lips pressing gently against his. Then he presses his body closer to Spike's and it seems perfectly natural to slide his arms around Xander's waist. Xander moans and presses even closer and when he feels the tentative touch of Xander's warm tongue against his lips, Spike groans and opens up for Xander. The boy's tongue is hot and wet, and perfect. A wave of lust hits Spike, dragging him under and he loses himself in Xander's mouth for a long, long time.

When Xander finally pulls away, Spike almost moans at the loss. But he catches himself just in time. Xander is pressed against him, and Spike is still holding him close. They just look at each other for a long moment. Xander's mouth is wet and it's the prettiest thing Spike has ever seen. And his eyes are dark, and sleepy looking with lust. God, he wants him. And that thought somehow punches through the fog and he snaps back to reality. This is Xander. What the fuck are they doing?

Xander seems to be thinking the same thing, because he moves away. Rubs a hand over his face and takes a deep, shuddering breath.

"That was..." Xander looks at Spike. "What was that, Spike?"

"That was a kiss, Xander." He's trying to be flip, but the words comes out sounding husky and serious.

Xander smiles a little half-smile and says, "If you ask me, that was a helluva good kiss." The smile gets bigger. "Want to do it again?"

Spike just closes his eyes and groans when Xander backs him into the wall again and god, the boy can kiss. Spike has never been so glad to be wearing boots, because he's pretty sure his toes curled this time. Xander is bolder, running his hands over Spike's chest and sides, then sliding his hands up to gently grasp Spike's face. He holds Spike at the angle he wants and takes his time slowly learning Spike's mouth. Spike is panting when they break apart.

"Spike, look. I have to tell you something. All my life, every girl I've been with has just thrown me down and taken what she wanted. And now, god, now I want to choose. I want to choose my demon this time. And I pick you. Is that okay with you?"

"You pick me? What...why would"

Xander shrugs.

"Want you."

"You. You want me? Since when?"

"Since I kissed you just now. I want to kiss you again. Can I kiss you again, Spike?"

He doesn't wait for Spike to answer, just dives back in. And Spike's head is spinning. He's shocked to his toes at Xander's words, at the thought that Xander wants him. Has picked him. He feels something he doesn't have words for. An ache deep inside is soothed and a need he's repressed for a long time is sated. Someone wants him, has chosen him. Xander's kiss is so sweet it makes Spike ache somewhere deep in his chest where he thinks a demon isn't supposed to have feelings.

Xander pulls away again and rests his forehead against Spike's.

"Is this good, Spike? Do you want this, too? Do you want me?" Xander says this so softly Spike barely hears him. And he does. He wants Xander. He's still holding on so tightly he thinks Xander is going to have to pry him off with a crowbar.

"God, yes. I want you."

Xander's breath hitches and it almost sounds like a sob. He pulls Spike even closer and just holds on.

They stand like that for a long time, until Xander yawns. He's exhausted, Spike can see it now. His eyes are almost closed.

"Time to put you to bed. To sleep, I mean." Spike grins helplessly at Xander's pout.

"But I wanna kiss you some more. Come to bed with me. Just kissing tonight, okay?" He pulls Spike into his bedroom.

Xander gets undressed but keeps his boxers on. Spike isn't wearing any underwear, so he doesn't take his jeans off.

"You're not sleeping in those, are you?"

"Not wearing anything underneath, remember?"

Xander grins at him. "Oh yeah. Not forgetting that any time soon. Just take them off, Spike." Xander climbs under the covers and turns off the light. Spike shrugs and gets undressed, then slides in beside him. And waits to see what Xander will do. His cock is a dull ache, but he's not going to push. He'll let Xander lead this dance.

Xander rolls against his side and slides his arm around Spike's waist, pulling him closer. He doesn't seem nervous at all anymore. Just sleepy and horny. He kisses the side of Spike's mouth, his aim off in the dark. He giggles and tries again. Spike grins and turns his face towards Xander, and they're off again. It's slow and sweet, this kiss, and the feeling of Xander's bare chest pressed against his is deeply thrilling. Xander breaks away, rubbing his face against his pillow, eyes closing. He's so tired, Spike can tell.

Xander's breathing evens out and slows and Spike thinks he's fallen asleep when he moves again, lips seeking Spike's. Spike obliges, kissing him softly. Xander will doze for a few minutes, then wake up and kiss him some more. Spike is wallowing in lust and achingly hard, and yet he feels no need to speed things up. He thinks he could stay here forever, kissing a sleepy Xander over and over. When Xander dozes again, he burrows into his neck, lips resting against his pulse point. He can't help it, he darts his tongue out for a quick lick, the salty flavor of Xander's skin exploding on his tongue. He doesn't want to wake Xander, it's so late and the boy is exhausted, but he just wants to taste him. Xander moans and wakes up again anyway, arching his neck. Spike licks and sucks, finally indulging himself and reveling in the sounds he pulls out of Xander's mouth.

"Do you want to bite me, Spike?" But Xander is grinning, not really asking. Not scared, either.

"Well, you are bitable. Moist and delicious."

"And don't you forget it."

They are both sniggering and Xander sounds a little punchy from lack of sleep.

Spike pulls away from Xander's delicious skin and dives back in for another kiss. He backs off just enough to look at Xander's face. His mouth is wet and swollen from kisses, and it's the sexiest thing Spike has ever seen.

"You have such a sweet mouth," Spike says. Xander moans, and Spike slides his tongue in again.

They kiss all night, until the sun is peeking behind the blinds. Spike is licking softly all around Xander's mouth, tiny little licks like he's tracing the shape of Xander's lips with his tongue. Each touch of his tongue makes Xander moan softly. Spike feels like all of his nerve endings are connected to his mouth. He keeps his touches random, so Xander never knows where Spike's tongue is going next, or when. Sometimes he stops so long Xander is starting to doze off. Then Spike will lick him again and make him gasp.

Spike suddenly rolls his upper body over Xander's and pushes his tongue into Xander's mouth, fucking it open with wet, fast thrusts of his tongue, giving Xander a rhythm, finally. Xander groans and thrusts his hips up and comes. Hard. He's moaning and flushing hot all over and he carries Spike along for the ride and he arches against Xander's thigh and his orgasm is so intense it's almost painful.


They're both so exhausted they sleep through most of the afternoon, and neither one hears the phone ringing repeatedly. It's early evening when Buffy simply kicks in the front door and rushes into the bedroom. Spike's face is buried in Xander's neck, and Buffy jumps to the only possible conclusion she can contemplate. She yanks Spike out of bed, tosses him to the floor and her arm is sweeping down towards his chest, stake in her hand when Xander finally figures out what is happening and screams,

"Buffy, no!"

Xander lunges over the side of the bed and tackles Buffy to the ground. His heart feels like it's going to pound right out of his chest, and the adrenalin rush is making him shake all over. Oh, god. Buffy. She saw them. She almost dusted Spike. His shock is nothing compared to what Spike must be feeling. His face is white and his hands are shaking worse than Xander's.

Buffy picks herself up and turns on Xander.

"What the hell is going on?" Her voice is low and deadly.

"He wasn't biting me, Buffy, he was...we were sleeping."

"Together?" Buffy's eyes are wide and her anger is bleeding over into confusion.

"Yes. Together. We slept together last night."

Buffy looks from Xander to Spike, who is still hunched on the floor looking miserable and lost. He doesn't look up.

She looks at Xander, her eyes wide and Xander feels like he's betrayed his best friend. He knows they aren't together anymore, and that Buffy never cared for Spike the way he did for her, but that seems meaningless in the face of Buffy's obvious pain. She covers her eyes with her hand and turns to leave, her shoulder hitting the doorframe on her way through. Xander finds some sweat pants, and is hopping on one foot to pull them up as he tries to catch up with her.

"Buffy, wait!"

She's standing next to his broken front door, one hand bracing herself against the wall. She doesn't turn around, but Xander hears her sobbing quietly. Oh god. What has he done? He's fucked everything up, and now Buffy is never going to forgive him.

"God, Buffy, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like this. I didn't think you..."

Buffy pulls herself together enough to face him, her eyes wet and miserable.

"How long?" Her voice is rough with tears.

"This was the first time, Buffy."

"Why? How? You don't even like each other."

"It just...happened. I don't know why."

"Xander, you hate Spike. You've always hated Spike. You two were always fighting and...oh god. I'm so stupid. That's what you do when you like someone, isn't it? Cordelia..." Buffy's voice catches on a sob.

"Buffy, please don't cry." His impulse is to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but he doesn't think she'll let him.

"I have to go. I can't deal with this right now with everything else going on. I have to get back to the girls." She runs out the door and Xander doesn't follow.

Xander scrubs his hand over his face and turns to see Spike standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He looks like Xander feels. Xander feels the same impulse to comfort Spike, so he goes to him and wraps his arms around him slowly, so Spike can pull away if he wants. He doesn't. He holds on to Xander and they stand together for a long time, clinging to one another.

When he feels like he can talk again, he pulls away enough to look Spike in the eye.

"What are we going to do?" Xander asks.

"I think I should go talk to her. Alone."

"Okay. When you get back, we'll..." Spike isn't looking at him. He's pulling away and looking anywhere but at Xander. "You are coming back here...aren't you?" Spike doesn't answer and Xander feels his stomach drop.

Spike goes into his room and Xander somehow makes it to the couch before his legs give way. He can't let Spike leave like this. He doesn't want Spike to leave. But he can't think of a way to make him stay.

Spike comes out of his room, dressed and he still won't look at Xander. He's going to walk out the door if Xander doesn't stop him. He says the only thing he can think of.

"Please come back. I need you to come back."

Spike stops. He looks back at Xander and searches his face for a long moment. He must see something in Xander's expression, because he nods and says, "Okay. I'll come back."

Spike walks out and Xander can't help but feel abandoned, despite his parting words. He's alone again, and he wonders how this happened. When being with Spike became so important. 24 hours ago he would have been overjoyed to have Spike out of his life. Now he can't bear the thought of him leaving.

Xander flops on his back and covers his eyes with his arm. He slept most of the day, but right now he feels exhausted and wrung out. He thinks about what happened last night. He remembers what it felt like to kiss Spike for hours, how soft his skin felt under his hands. He wants more. More kisses and soft touches, and he thinks he might be ready for that big gay sex now.

And whoa, is that a revelation. He's kept that part of himself closely guarded for so long, and now that it's out, now that's he's confronted the fact that he does feel attracted to other men, he feels a sense of relief that is so unexpected. He's not sure what to think. Whenever he's thought about telling his friends, he always assumed it would be too scary and stressful to deal with. Instead he feels peaceful. Like he's finally let go of some deeply held hurt, and can heal.

He realizes he can do this. He can be honest with himself and his friends for the first time. And he knows they will still love him.

Well, Buffy might not. She may never forgive him. And that brings the hurt right back. Xander rolls to face the back of the couch and tries to swallow around the lump in his throat, thinking of Buffy's sad, wet eyes.


Xander takes a long shower, and feels a little better. He's still camped out on the couch when Spike comes back. His shoulders are slumped and his face looks tired. Xander sits up, looking him up and down.

"Well, she let you live."

Spike cocks an eyebrow at that.

"Okay, you're not any deader than you were before you left." Xander tries to smile, and feels the ice in his chest crack a little when Spike smiles back at him. It's a small thing, but it's something.

Spike flops down next to him, and Xander should move over and give him some room, but he's desperate for contact and Spike's thigh pressing into his sends a jolt of warmth through his body. He wants to hug him tight, kiss him again. He doesn't, though. He waits.

"How did it go?" Xander asks.

Spike closes his eyes and sighs.

"That good, huh?"

"She's angry. And hurt. But she'll deal. She has bigger things to worry about right now. Things are a bit crazy over there. Was glad to get the hell out." Spike glances over at him and Xander knows he's grateful that he asked him to come back. Xander feels a little bubble of happiness at that.

"I'm glad you came back," Xander says softly.

"Me too." Spike is looking right at him and those two words send Xander over the edge and he wraps Spike up in his arms and squeezes him tightly. When they break apart Xander almost feels normal again, like the last few hours never happened. He stands up and holds his hand out to Spike, pulling him to his feet.

"I don't know about you, but I want to go to bed. This has been the longest day of my life."

"You sure, Xander? Maybe we shouldn't. We can just..." Spike trails off.

"What? Be friends? I think we're little past the friends stage here, Spike. I know we never really got along, and a lot of that was my fault. I couldn't see past the whole vampire thing. Shades of Angel, you know? But I want to be friends with you now, Spike. More than friends. I want to be with you." Xander is still holding Spike's hand, so he pulls him closer. "I choose you, remember?"

He's not sure why, but his words have a profound effect on Spike. Spike closes his eyes and shivers, then pulls Xander to him roughly, squeezing him tightly in his arms.

"I'm yours," he whispers.

Xander squeezes Spike even tighter. It would be uncomfortable for a human, surely, but Spike doesn't seem to mind.

They eventually make it to the bedroom. Xander flicks the light off and strips down quickly. The soft scratch of the clean sheets is comforting, and when Spike settles in beside him, he feels even better. It's only been one day, and already this feels right. Like Spike belongs in bed with him. It's confusing, but Xander feels too good to care right now. Spike came back. He went to Buffy, but he came back.

"She wants to talk to you, you know. You're going to have to talk to her. She's still pretty upset."

Xander sighs. He knows Spike is right. He'll have to make things right, if he can. Who knows how long they have left together, before the world ends for real this time. He thinks it's odd that he's more worried about talking to Buffy than he is about the apocalypse. Then again, it's not exactly his first apocalypse. This would be the very first time he's been caught sleeping with one of Buffy's ex-boyfriends, so maybe he's entitled to feel this way.

Xander is worrying over these thoughts, and idly thinking about Riley, when Spike licks his neck. And zing, there go all the serious thoughts. Spike's touch sends a thrill of goosebumps over his body and oh yeah. Naked Spike in his bed. Gotta do something about that.

He feels braver than the night before, and more secure with his feelings, so he takes a chance and rolls on top of Spike. And oh god, why hasn't he done this before? Spike's naked and so is he, and the press of their skin makes them both groan. Xander opens his eyes and they grin at each other.

"God, Spike, you feel so good. Wanna do more than kiss you, tonight."

Xander kisses his way down Spike's neck and chest until he finds a nipple and licks it. His own nipples aren't very sensitive, but Spike arches his back and groans when he bites down gently. He could stay here all night, licking his chest and making Spike moan like that. But there are other things he wants to try.

He moves his hand down and curls his fingers around Spike's cock. It's hard and his touch makes Spike's hips jerk up and he's biting his lip, watching Xander through slitted eyes. Xander moves his hand slowly, up and down, squeezing the head. Spike likes that, he's thrusting up into his palm and the feel of all that hard cock in his hand is making Xander crazy. He slides his other hand into Spike's hair and turns his head towards him for a kiss. He pulls back just a little and teases Spike's mouth with the tip of his tongue, barely sliding it in and back out, making Spike work for it.

Spike keeps trying to deepen the kiss, but Xander won't let him. He moves his hand faster now on Spike's cock, squeezing it harder. Spike is groaning with frustration and his hips never stop moving and when Xander slides his tongue in his mouth he comes, shooting all over Xander's hand and his own stomach. Xander stops moving his hand but doesn't let go. He loves the feeling of Spike's cock throbbing and twitching against his palm. Spike is panting, chest heaving and god, that's the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He did that to Spike. Made him a panting, sweaty mess.

"Mmmmm, Xander." Spike hitches his hips up slightly, rubbing his softening cock against his palm. "So good. Wanna make you come, Xander." Spike opens his eyes. "Wanna suck you." He licks his lips and Xander shivers.

"Oh god, yes. Please."

Spike rolls him over and grins wickedly. "You're gonna love this."

Xander considers telling him that this isn't his first blow job, but he thinks that might spoil the moment. Spike licks and nibbles his way down Xander's body and Xander is so hard he hurts by the time Spike's tongue finally touches his dick. Spike swirls his tongue around and sucks the head into his mouth. Xander is moaning for more but Spike stubbornly stays where he is, just slurping on the head of his cock. Finally, Spike slides down, sucking Xander's cock further into his mouth, and it takes every ounce of self-control Xander has to keep himself still. Spike gets about halfway down and that's about as far as anyone has ever been able to take him in. But Spike doesn't stop. He keeps going until Xander touches the back of his throat and oh god, he slips in. Spike chokes and swallows, his throat flexing around the head of Xander's cock. Xander can't help the loud moan he makes as he feels his cock slide all the way in, until Spike's nose is buried in his pubic hair and he can feel tight lips around the base of his cock for the very first time. And then Spike starts moving. Sliding his mouth up and down the entire length of his cock and oh shit, don't stop, god, please don't stop...

Xander comes so hard he thinks he's going to black out, eyes scrunched shut and hands grasping the sheets. He comes deep in Spike's throat and feels Spike pull back enough that some of it lands in his mouth. Spike lets his cock slip out and Xander looks up just in time to see Spike swallow and lick his lips like he's tasting chocolate instead of a load of come. God.

Spike slumps down next to him, nuzzling his face into his neck, which, surprise, seems to be his favorite spot. Xander pulls him close and passes out.


Xander wakes up gradually, stretching and feeling better than he has in months. Spike is snuggled up close, arms and legs wrapped around Xander. He doesn't want to get up. But eventually nature calls, and he untangles himself from Spike and gets out of bed.

He should really go talk to Buffy today. The thought of seeing her again and having to talk about this thing with Spike makes him anxious. He wishes he could put it off, but he knows the end is nigh and they need to talk soon. And Spike needs to get back to helping the girls train. The end of the world stops for no one, not even for two guys in love.

And wait, did he just think the L-word? Xander shakes his head and decides to think about that tomorrow, apocalypse notwithstanding. He takes a shower, and dresses quietly, trying not to wake Spike, who looks like he's going to sleep a while longer.

They've slept really late again, and the sun is high in the sky when he leaves for Buffy's house. His nervousness increases the closer he gets to Revello Drive. But he's going to be a man about this. They're just going to talk, and he'll have to take his lumps. He's not sure he's done anything really wrong, here. Buffy and Spike weren't together anymore, and he destroyed things with Anya months ago. He still feels guilty, though. Buffy was so hurt.

He sits in the driveway for a minute, gathering his courage. He sees Dawn looking out the window, so he knows the entire house is aware that he's here. He considers that for a moment. A house full of teenage girls, who no doubt have heard the entire story by now. He rests his head on the steering wheel for a moment.

Well, no sense putting it off any longer. He goes to the door and knocks, and Dawn lets him in.

"Hey, Dawnie." He smiles at her and she gives him a squinty look and the smallest smile in the history of smiles. Fuck. He's in the doghouse, no doubt about it now.

Willow comes out of the kitchen carrying a yellow coffee cup and her eyes light up when she sees Xander, just like always. Then she scrunches her face up in her fake frown, and he knows she's going to chew him out, but she's not really mad. He relaxes a little.

"Xander. You are in so much trouble. Buffy is spitting nails, she's so mad, and why didn't you tell me you were gay, and why would you sleep with Spike of all people, you hate Spike and he's a vampire and you made Dawnie cry and why didn't you talk to me?"

Xander looks at Dawn and her eyes are wide. "Willow! I so did not cry! She's totally exaggerating." Dawn flees the scene, and runs upstairs.

Xander hangs his head and takes a deep breath. He gives Willow his saddest puppy dog eyes and she melts, just like he knew she would. "I'm sorry Willow. I should have told you. And I didn't mean for any of this to happen. This thing with Spike, it just...happened. And Buffy shouldn't have found out that way. This is a huge mess, I know. I want to make it right, though. If I can. I need to talk to Buffy. Where is she?"

"She's out back running drills with the girls. But Xander, wait. I want to talk to you. I mean, Spike? Really?"

"Yeah. Really. He's different now, Willow. I don't know if I can explain it, but he needs me, and I need him. We..." He takes a deep breath and thinks about how he feels when he's with Spike. He looks back at Willow and she must see something in his expression because she's grinning, and has her "awwww" face on.

"You really like him. Oh, Xander." Her voice is soft and understanding. She hugs him tight around the waist and the smell of her hair is so familiar and comforting, he just breathes her in for a moment.

She lets him go and says, "Go talk to Buffy. She'll understand. She loves you, Xander. And so do I." She smiles and shoos him out the door.

He goes out the kitchen door to the back yard, and Buffy is sitting on the porch watching the girls practice. She looks up when the door opens, and doesn't look surprised to see him. She must have heard him come in. He sits down next to her on the step.


"Hey, Xander."

"Buffy, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have found out that way. I never wanted to hurt you like that. I thought you guys were over, for good, or I never would have..."

"I know, Xander. I'm sorry too. I really overreacted. I just never in a million years thought I'd find you and Spike..." her voice breaks when she says Spike's name, and her chin quivers. Oh god, please don't cry Buffy, or I'm going to cry, too.

"Buffy, please. Don't. I'm sorry, okay. Don't cry." Buffy pulls herself together and looks Xander in the eye.

"Are you in love with him?"

"We've been together for exactly 48 hours, Buffy. I don't know. But I feel something. I want to be with him."

"God, Xander. All this time he's followed me around, and I pushed him away over and over again, and now he's moved on and I...I'm so selfish. I miss him." She laughs at that, but it's not a happy laugh.

"Do you want me to stop seeing him? Is that what you're saying?" If she is, he doesn't know what he's going to do. Just the thought is tearing him up inside.

Buffy takes a deep breath. "No, Xander. I'm not asking you to do that. I'm just telling you how I feel. And how I feel is not your fault, it's mine. I didn't love him. I used him, and hurt him, and pushed him away until he snapped, and yeah, he hurt me back, but I'm not blameless here. I know that now. And he's changed. He's become this whole new and improved Spike."

"Yeah, I know." Xander is looking at his shoes and smiling, thinking about Spike. His soft smile and the way he clings to Xander.

"We talked the other night, you know. And he cares about you, Xander. I can tell. And you care about him, don't you? I can see it in your face." She's smiling for real, now. He smiles back.

"Yeah, I do. It's crazy, I know. But I do. I never expected this, but I want to try and make it work. And I want to make sure that you and I are okay. Because this is tearing me apart, thinking I might have to choose."

"I'm not going to make you choose. I still love you, Xander. I'm hurting, but I'll get over it. We're good." She pats him on the leg and stands up. The sun is shining brightly behind her, a halo of light behind her blonde hair. She's so beautiful it hurts to look at her.

"Thanks, Buff." Xander stands up and hugs her tightly.

"I need you guys over here, though. Think you can pull yourself away from your new boyfriend long enough to stop the world from ending?"

Boyfriend. Heh. He has a boyfriend, now. Why isn't he running around screaming? Instead the thought just makes him happy. Weird.

"Yeah, sure. We'll be over tonight."

"Great! Oh, and bring weapons!"

"Got it!" Xander calls out over his shoulder as he goes back inside.


When Xander gets back to his apartment, the sun is setting. Spike is awake and sitting on the couch with just his jeans on, smoking a cigarette and drinking blood out of a coffee mug. His hair is sticking up all over and his eyes are sleepy. He looks grumpy, and Xander can't help but find it completely adorable. Spike's eyes flick over at him, but he doesn't speak, and he goes right back to watching TV. Xander can't stop looking at him. He stretches out on the orange chair, which is still angled towards the couch, and not the TV. And just watches Spike watch TV. He knows he's probably being annoying. Sitting here ogling his boyfriend. Heh. Boyfriend.

Spike is trying really hard to ignore him, sneering at the TV and alternately smoking and slurping from his mug. Every once in a while, his eyes will dart over to Xander, giving him a dirty look, then ignoring him again. Xander waits until Spike puts out his cigarette and jumps him. He straddles Spike's lap, making Spike laugh and grab at his hips to keep him from sliding off, shaking his head at Xander's eagerness.

"You git. Almost made me spill my blood."

Xander doesn't answer. Just sticks his tongue in Spike's mouth and kisses him hello.

"Guess your talk with Buffy went well?" Spike asks, as Xander pulls his shirt off.

"No time for talking. She wants us over there tonight. Naked now." Spike finally gets with the program and stands them up. They only make it as far as the orange chair, kissing and pulling each other's clothes off, and when Xander's bare ass hits the cold vinyl he squeaks.

"Bloody cold and uncomfortable chair, isn't it? You should be ashamed of yourself, making me sleep on it in your moldy basement."

"Oh get off it, Spike. I sleep on it all the time. It's not that bad. Just kinda cold if you're naked, and I never made you sleep on it naked."

"No, just tied me up. Wouldn't let me get comfortable. Should try it. Tie you up, see how you like it." Spike's hands circle Xander's wrists and hold his arms tightly to his sides. Xander struggles a little, just to see if Spike will let him go. He doesn't and his eyes are lit up and dangerous looking. Xander pulls a bit harder, and Spike holds him fast. Xander feels a little shiver of delicious fear, and oh god, it's turning him on. He's getting harder with each little jerk and twist of his hands. And the look on Spike's face is hot and maybe a little scary but so fucking hot.

"Come on, Spike. Let's go in the bedroom." Xander tries the puppy dog eyes on Spike.


Xander gets even harder at that if possible, and he's squirming now. Spike's hands are like bands of steel, keeping him right where he wants him. Spike moves around until he's kneeling on the floor next to Xander and he's eye level with his cock. He just looks at it for a long time. It makes Xander blush and squirm to have Spike looking at him like that. Then Spike's eyes close and he leans in to nuzzle between Xander's legs. Xander moans and spreads his thighs further. Spike's holds Xander's wrists tightly and licks all over his cock, the flat of his tongue lapping up and down his shaft. He's rock hard and leaking all over the place and god it would be embarrassing if it weren't so hot. When Spike's mouth swallows him down Xander is so turned on he can't hold back and he comes, groaning loudly.

And oh god, he's really embarrassed now. He wants to cover his face with his hands, but Spike's still holding him down. He bites his lip and closes his eyes.

"Sorry, sorry. God. I couldn't stop." He can't even look at Spike.

Spike's chuckle is warm and he opens his eyes and Spike isn't smirking at him. His eyes are soft and his hair is still mussed from sleep and he's the cutest thing Xander's ever seen. Not that he'd ever say that out loud.

"It's okay, Xander. More than okay. Was good, yeah?" Spike's wicked tongue paints a stripe of wet heat across Xander's belly and he squirms. "And you're young." Lick. "How long will it take you to get hard again?" Xander groans loudly at that and feels his dick twitch. Xander squirms and tries to get his hands free to push Spike away, but Spike won't let him. Keeps his hands right where they are and licks Xander all over his belly and balls, light brushes of his tongue that spark over his skin. Spike takes his time, working him up slowly, getting him hard again faster than Xander thought possible.

He a moaning, sweaty mess when Spike finally, finally sucks him again, sliding his mouth down his cock so slowly Xander would beg if he could get enough air in his lungs to speak. He sucks Xander slowly, making it last. Swirling his tongue around, and swallowing around the thick head when he's deep in Spike's throat. Xander's flushed and red all over and his hips never stop moving and when he comes he comes for a long, long time and he thinks he blacked out there for a minute.

When he's coherent enough to open his eyes again, he sees Spike climbing over him and straddling his legs. His hands clutch Spike's thighs, wanting to touch after being denied for so long. Spike is hard, his cock flushed pink and curving towards his belly. He rubs it against Xander and he's so sensitive now every brush of Spike's skin against his makes him gasp. Spike rubs his cock over Xander's, brushing against his balls. They both are watching Spike's movements intently. Spike's fingers wrap around his cock and they both moan. Spike jacks himself slowly, rubbing the wet head of his cock against Xander, leaving slick trails on his belly. Xander can't take his eyes off Spike's cock rubbing against him, the way Spike's hips and stomach move, his long fingers squeezing and moving over his cock. Xander's fingers tighten on his hips, clutch at Spike's ass and squeeze and Spike rubs harder against Xander's skin, his fingers moving faster, and he comes with a shout, spurting in long threads all over Xander's cock and belly. His movements slow but he keeps moving, cock slithering around in the mess on Xander's stomach.

Spike slumps over Xander and they stretch out as best they can on the small space. Spike's mouth goes right to Xander's neck and Xander has to grin at that.

"So. Ready to go see Buffy, train the baby slayers?" When the only response Xander gets is a groan, he jostles Spike a bit. Grabs his ass again.

"Don't wanna move."

"Come on, Spike. You wouldn't want to miss my big coming out party. All the girls will be there. Ready to meet my new demon boyfriend. Complete with jokes about Willow turning me gay after all, and Giles will get embarrassed and clean his glasses a lot. Why would you want to miss out on that?"

Spike growls, low and threatening.

Xander just laughs at him.


When Xander and Spike finally make it back over to Buffy's, they walk right into chaos. Girls are yelling and arguing, and Anya and Willow are facing off in the living room.

"I'm telling you, I didn't do anything! So I can't undo it, Anya! I can't undo something I didn't do. It's not a spell, he's just..."

Xander realizes with shock that they are fighting over him.

"Xander! Willow is insane. She keeps saying that you're with Spike now. Make her stop."

"I can't do that, Anya. She's right. Spike and I are..." Xander looks at Spike who refuses to help in any way, and just bats his eyes at Xander. Infuriating vampire.

"Well, I don't know what we are, but we are a 'we'. Me and Spike. Spike and me." Xander stops talking before he digs himself in any deeper.

Anya mulls this over, looking between Xander and Spike suspiciously.

"Look, no one did any magic. I didn't just wake up gay and jump on Spike." Xander thinks about that for a second. "Um. Well, okay, maybe I did, but the point is it wasn't magic." Xander considers his words for a moment and looks at Willow. "It wasn't, was it?"

"Hey!" Spike looks offended.

"No! I didn't do any spells!"

"But he can't be gay! Make him not be gay! Can't you just say 'let the spell be ended' and see if that works again?"

Willow doesn't answer, just storms out of the room.

"Anya. Stop this. It wasn't Willow." Xander sighs. "It was all me, okay? And I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Anya appears to consider this. Xander turns to Spike, who still looks pissed and jostles him with his shoulder. Spike scowls and pushes him back. Anya watches this exchange with interest, then sighs and flops down on the couch next to Andrew.

"I don't know why I'm so surprised, really. Xander always was a little..." Anya sees them looking and trails off.

"Hey! Little? A little what? There is no little."

Spike sighs happily. "Got that right." Xander elbows him hard in the ribs.

Andrew's eyes are huge and Anya looks furious. Xander clutches Spike's elbow and steers him into the kitchen where Willow, Buffy and Giles are sitting at the table.

"Great googlymoogly. Can we be done talking about the Xander and Spike show? Isn't there some evil afoot? Please tell me there's evil."

"Lots of evil. Plenty for everyone." Buffy starts talking about what they know about the Bringers at the vineyard, and Xander tries to listen but he's freaking out in his own head thinking that he just told his biggest secret ever, he told his friends, and his ex-girlfriend and here they are, sitting together and talking about the latest big bad, like everything is normal. It's comforting and relaxing and completely weird, but he'll take it.


Spike is all over him on the way home, groping him and licking his ear and it's all Xander can do just to keep the car between the lines. They are barely in the door before Spike has him pressed against it, and his tongue swirling around his mouth. And Xander realizes that up until now Spike has been letting Xander set the pace. Now he's demanding and pushy, pulling Xander's shirt up to expose his chest and grinding against him in a way that's making Xander crazy. Spike pulls him into the bedroom, and throws him on the bed, and that's a move Xander will never get tired of. Somehow all of their clothes have disappeared, but before Xander can ask how he did that, Spike is slithering down Xander's body and going right for his cock. Xander shouts when he feels all that wet suction sliding down and his world goes blurry around the edges for a long time.

He's teetering on the edge and trying hard not to come when Spike pulls off his cock with a loud, wet sound that goes straight to his balls. He opens his eyes when he feels Spike move up his body and straddle his waist. Spike's ass is right on his dick, and fuck that's hot. His skin is firm and smooth and he's putting just the right amount of pressure right where Xander needs it. And then he starts moving. He's rubbing and grinding and it's killing Xander in the best way and then his cock slides right between Spike's cheeks and oh god, that's exactly where he wants to be, where he needs to be. Now. He grabs onto Spike's hips and thrusts up, trying to get more of that delicious friction against his cock. Spike chuckles at him and moves back, moves that sweet ass away, and no, don't go, come back here and ride me some more...

Spike flips open a tube of lube that Xander's never seen before but he's too horny to ask questions right now. He watches as Spike dribbles lube all over Xander's fingers and he knows what's coming next, and the anticipation is killing him. Spike straddles Xander again, leaning over him and opening his legs and Xander groans. He slides his wet fingers between Spike's legs and they both groan and Spike sort of shimmies his hips and the tip of Xander's finger goes in. He works it in further and god, Spike's so tight and smooth inside. He thinks about sliding his cock in that fine ass, and shivers. He pulls his finger out and slides two fingers right back in. Spike is moaning and working his hips back on Xander's fingers like it feels really good.

"Want you in me, Xander. Gonna ride you all night..."

Xander moans and thinks he's never going to last that long. His hands are clutching Spike's hips now and Spike is pushing his ass against the head of Xander's cock and it's never going to fit. Xander feels like screaming. He wants this so bad, wants in, but Spike is too tight, and he doesn't want to hurt him. He thinks about flipping Spike over, putting his legs up and fucking him hard and Xander has to bite his lip to keep from coming right there. He tries to calm down and trust that Spike knows what he's doing.

Spike catches Xander's eye and holds it, watching his face intently as he squirms and pushes back, trying to get it in.

"God, Spike, stop. It's hurting you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, hurts. Fucking hurts, so good...fuck..." and just like that the head pops in. Spike groans and doesn't stop. Spike grinds his hips back and takes all of Xander in a long, slow slide down until his round ass is firm against Xander's pelvis. He sits up and grins at Xander, tip of his tongue peeking out and starts moving. Fucking himself on Xander's cock. Long, slow slide out and then twisting his hips back down. It's the hottest thing he's ever seen, and his dick is just so happy right now, in this tight, silky new place that's just his favorite place ever. He jabs his cock up just when Spike is sliding down and goes deep, deeper than before and they both gasp. Spike's cock is hard and dripping and Xander can't look away. He rubs his fingers over the wet head and Spike gasps and his ass flutters around Xander's cock. Xander keeps his hand on Spike's cock, thumb pressed hard right under the head and Spike is groaning and losing his rhythm, hips stuttering and stopping. Xander thrusts up hard, fucking Spike now, bouncing him on his cock and fuck...Xander shouts when he comes.

And Spike doesn't stop. He keeps moving, his hands braced on Xander's chest. And Xander dropped his hand, so no one is even touching Spike's cock when he starts to come. Xander watches in awe as Spike comes, just from the feel of Xander's cock, grinding down once more and spurting all over Xander's belly. He rolls off Xander and collapses on his back, sprawled wantonly and taking up more than his fair share of the bed. Xander's heart is still racing from his own orgasm and he closes his eyes for a minute as he calms down. He can't bear not touching Spike, though, so he rolls over and slides his arm over the other man's chest.

He moves his hand lightly over Spike's skin, palm just barely making contact. He keeps his touches light and brushes his hand over Spike's silky skin in long, smooth strokes. Over his shoulders and down his chest, thumb teasing a nipple on the way down. Spike closes his eyes and his breathing slows. When Xander's hands skim over certain places, Spike's breath hitches. Fascinated by this, Xander tries to find the right spots to make Spike breathe heavy. Xander leans in close to Spike, wanting to keep this moment quiet.

"Why do you do that? Breathe heavy when I touch you. You don't have to breathe at all, so why...?"

"Body remembers." Spike mumbles without opening his eyes. He squirms and arches his back a little, clearly asking for more touching. Xander begins stroking him again, hands brushing over the long, lithe muscles of Spike's arms, fingers tracing nonsense words over his flat stomach. Xander moves his hand lower, watching Spike's face. He traces the line of hair down, and Spike's breathing quickens.

Xander is glad Spike's eyes are still closed because he can't stop looking at him. He watches his hand move over Spike's creamy skin and can't believe he's allowed to do this. That Spike's naked with him, and letting him touch him all over. That his hands and his touch are making Spike breathe and gasp and pant. And Xander thinks he finally gets it now, he understands what people mean by afterglow. Because he feels like he's filled with warm light from his head to his toes, and he stretches his legs a little to feel the soft pulses of pleasure buzz up and down his limbs. He feels like the luckiest guy on earth.

He brushes his hand over Spike's cheek softly, traces his fingers over the baby fine hairs where his hairline begins. He's mine. He said he was mine. Xander's eyes drink in Spike's blissed out face and naked body splayed out in his bed.

"You're so beautiful." The words tumble out of Xander's mouth without his permission, but he's drowsy and feels so good he can't bring himself to care.

Spike's eyes open at that, and he smiles slowly at Xander. It's affectionate and, well, beautiful. Xander can't help but smile back.

Spike tips his head back slightly, and Xander knows he wants a kiss. And when he leans in to oblige, Xander feels his own breath hitch in anticipation.

His lips slide wetly over Spike's. Xander slides his tongue into Spike's pliant mouth and moans softly when their tongues meet. They kiss for a long time. When Xander finally pulls away, his mouth feels swollen and sensitive. He licks his lips, and almost gasps at the sensation. Spike is staring at his mouth.

"You have such a sweet mouth. Wanna kiss you all night..."

Xander groans at the memory those words invoke, of their first night together and he kisses Spike again.


The plan is to meet at Buffy's the next night and take the slayer girl army to the vineyard to face this new guy, Caleb, head on. Xander showers and eats, then decides the only sensible thing to do is to get back in bed with Spike until it's time to go.

Xander stretches lazily and regards Spike in the faint light let in by the blinds. The raid on the vineyard is thudding in the back of his mind, a drum beat of anxiety that he has no rational explanation for. He's backed up Buffy before; this time shouldn't be any different.

What he really wants to do is to talk to Spike about their relationship. He thinks this might be the only chance he has.

"What." Spike is morning grumpy and looking at him suspiciously.


"You look like you have something to say. So, say it already. The suspense is killing me." Spike is affecting a look of total boredom as he lights and smokes his morning cigarette, but something about his posture is tense. Xander wonders how he knows how to read his body language so soon, but with a flash he realizes just how long he's known Spike.

"Just...what is this? What are we doing here, Spike?"

Spike lifts the sheets and looks down. At Xander's confused look, Spike says "Just making sure you still have man parts. I thought for a minute there you turned into a girl during the night."

"Spike. We live on a Hellmouth. Don't even joke about that."

Spike considers this. "Willow could probably turn you into a girl. She tried, with that bloke with the jacket a few weeks ago. Bet she still has the stuff..."

Xander wants to smack him with a pillow, but he doesn't want to set the bed on fire, either.

"You want me to turn into a girl? I think I'm insulted."

"Now, now. Don't be like that." Spike stubs his cigarette and stretches out on his side, running the tips of his fingers over Xander's cock. Xander smacks his hand away.

"Oh no, you don't. You don't even like cock. You wish I was a girl." Xander pulls the sheets up to his chin and sniffles a little for effect.

"'d be a sexy girl, Xander. Bet you'd be stacked. Nice round ass and big tits. I'd lick you all over, drive you out of your mind. You'd beg me to lick your sweet pussy..." Spike somehow has managed to get his hand under the sheets and is fondling Xander as he describes what he would do with a girl Xander. It's confusing and embarrassing, and incredibly arousing.

Spike leans over and gazes into Xander's eyes, stroking his hair back gently. He dips his head and licks softly over a nipple. And Xander has never really liked having his nipples played with before, but Spike keeps at it. Lapping and sucking one until it's wet and red, then moving to the other and working it over just as gently.

"Such pretty tits." Spike's voice is husky and his words are making Xander crazy. This whole thing is crazy and confusing and he can't believe how much he's getting off on it.

Spike threads his fingers through Xander's hair and kisses him so sweetly. He's covering Xander like a blanket, lying between Xander's open legs.

"Wanna taste you." Xander groans at that and watches Spike's head disappear under the covers. Xander closes his eyes and waits to feel Spike's mouth on his cock, but Spike has other ideas. He strokes his fingers over Xander's inner thighs, making him moan and spread his legs more. Spike pushes Xander's legs up and licks the curve of his ass. Xander wants to squirm away, but Spike isn't stopping and his tongue is driving Xander out of his mind. Spike pushes his legs up further.

"Hold 'em up." Xander moans and wiggles nervously but does it. And Spike slides his tongue in and brushes his opening softly, making Xander groan and clutch at his legs. Spike doesn't stop, he's licking all around and dipping his tongue just barely inside. Fuck. Xander's heart is racing and he's breathing so hard he thinks he's going to hyperventilate. Spike licks him for a long time before he firms his tongue and pushes in. Xander moans loudly and clutches his legs tighter. Xander's so hard he's dripping and dying to come, but Spike doesn't seem like he's in a hurry. He takes his time, licking Xander out, his wicked tongue thrusting in and sliding out and making Xander's asshole throb and flutter around his tongue. When he thinks he just can't take anymore and he's going to come right now, just from this, Spike stops and draws back. Xander moans "No, don't stop."

"Not stopping." Spike finally puts his mouth on Xander's cock. Xander groans with relief and relaxes, just as he feels Spike's slick finger sliding into him. Oh god. He concentrates on the feeling of Spike's mouth on his cock and just lets it happen. The finger slides in and out slowly, letting Xander get used to it. And just when Xander thinks it isn't that bad Spike crooks his finger and rubs against something that makes Xander shout. He keeps his finger there, rubbing over that spot again and again while he sucks Xander. It's making him crazy, that finger sending jolts of pleasure through his body.

Spike adds another finger and that's a little uncomfortable again. Then Spike does something with his tongue that pulls Xander's attention back to the very nice blow job he's getting and away from his throbbing ass. Until Spike pushes both fingers against that spot again and Xander yelps. Spike lets his cock slide out of his mouth and starts licking all around his fingers, making Xander cry out and shake. It's going to make Xander come, those long fingers pressing into his ass and that wicked tongue swirling around and making him crazy. He hovers on the edge of orgasm for so long it's almost a relief when Spike finally pulls back. He doesn't give him time to recover though, just pushes his legs back even further and hooks them over his shoulders.

"Ready for this, pet?"

"Yeah." Xander's voice is rough.

Spike rubs his dick against him, and oh god, this is really happening. Xander squeezes his eyes shut and prepares himself for the pain he's expecting.

Spike jostles him, making him open his eyes. "Hey."


"Relax. Take a deep breath." Xander takes a deep breath and tries not to tense up again. He keeps his eyes locked on Spike's and feels the nudge of Spike's cock against him. Spike slowly, so slowly, presses in. Xander takes long, deep breaths, and watches Spike's face. It hurts, a little at first, but once he pushes past the tight opening it's easier. He just slides right in, until he's all the way inside Xander and they both groan. Spike just stays there for a long moment, eyes locked on Xander's. Xander gets used to the tight stretch and the feeling of being filled and thinks it's not that bad. Not great, but not the hot white pain he was expecting.

Then Spike starts moving. And pain is the last thing on his mind. It doesn't hurt at all now, it's just this long, slow slide and Spike's thick cock is rubbing right over that spot that is Xander's new favorite body part. Pleasure wells up like a wave that washes over him and Xander cries out and pushes back against Spike wanting more. Spike moans and fucks him harder, jabbing his cock right where Xander wants it and oh god, he's going to come from this, on his back with his feet up like a girl. He's going to come on Spike's cock.

Spike swivels his hips and that makes Xander yell and clutch at Spike's arms. Spike slides one hand down and curls his fingers around Xander's cock and that's it, he's coming, body tense and ass fluttering around Spike. Spike slows down his thrusts and slides in even deeper than before, groaning. Spike keeps fucking him, long slow strokes in and out that make Xander gasp. Then he cries out and comes, and the look on his face is beautiful and it makes Xander's chest feel tight.

Spike pulls out and lets go of Xander's legs. Xander stretches out with a sigh of relief and grimaces at the wet feeling between his legs. He feels awesome. Boneless and worn out and pulses of pleasure are still working through his body. Spike is draped over him, eyes closed and mouth open. Doesn't look like he's going to be moving any time soon. He wraps his arms around Spike and closes his eyes for just a second.


When they finally wake up again, it's almost time to leave, and Xander really wants another shower but there's no time. They have to rush around just to get dressed and out the door, and Xander is in a foul mood when they get to Buffy's. His ass feels loose and slippery and it's weird and embarrassing to walk around like that. Spike is smirking at him and looking incredibly pleased with himself, and Xander gives him the dirtiest look he can muster. It just makes Spike grin wider. Asshole.

It takes forever to organize the girls and get the weapons sorted, and Xander just wants to go home. He's still anxious about this plan, but he can't put his finger on anything wrong, so he says nothing and helps when he can.

Once they get to the vineyard, Buffy divides them up and Xander hangs back with Faith and the second wave of potentials. Spike locks eyes with Xander before turning to follow Buffy.

Xander listens at the door, hearing fighting and things breaking. They hear a loud crash and Xander goes through the door, crossbow in hand just in time to see Spike tossed into a wine cask, which bursts and gushes blood red wine all over the floor. Spike is unconscious.

Xander's dread intensifies.

Caleb calls out more Bringers and the girls are busy fighting again. Xander looks around for Buffy, and oh god, she's out too. Rona is down, clutching her wrist and Xander sees a Bringer with a knife heading right for her. He takes aim and shoots an arrow through the Bringer's wrist. Faith and two of the potentials are right behind him and they charge into the fray.

Xander takes a look around, judging his position and trying to find a way to get to Spike. He's closer to Buffy, though, so he races to her and helps her sit up.

"Get them out of here, Xander. Now. We have to retreat."

Xander nods and makes his way over to the closest potential. He sees Spike getting to his feet and the relief is overwhelming. He helps as many of the girls as he can get up and out the door.

"Faith! We have to go!" She stumbles to her feet and gives him a hand with the girls that are left. He hears Spike yelling at Buffy that they need to go, now, and Xander scans the room, looking for any remaining potentials. He sees Kennedy trying to get up, broken glass all around her from a wine rack Caleb tossed her into. He hurries over to her, helping her stand. He gets her to the door and turns around one last time and suddenly Caleb is there.

Xander freezes, unable to move as Caleb squeezes his neck between his hands and laughs.

"You're the one who sees everything, aren't you?"

Xander struggles but Caleb's hands are hard and cold and he can't get away. He feels them tightening, his thumb pressing hard...

"Let's see what we can't do about that."

He barely sees the flash of white out of the corner of his eye, but suddenly he's on his back, all the air knocked out of his lungs. He hears a struggle and sits up, just in time to see Spike pummeling Caleb's head into the floor. Buffy pulls Xander up and they run out the door, Spike stumbling behind them.


He and Spike take the injured girls to the hospital and sit with Buffy for a while, talking to her. Eventually they take her back to Revello Drive and help patch up the rest of the girls that are already there. No one is saying much, and the tension in the room is suffocating. They leave as soon as they can, back to the comfort of their apartment.

Spike is quiet on the drive home, twitchy and restless. Xander wants to say something, say hey look, I'm fine, we're fine, everything is okay. But it's not okay. Girls died tonight and they have nothing to show for it. Xander thinks maybe that feeling of dread is this, just this feeling of helplessness in the face of unconquerable evil. For the first time ever, he wonders if Buffy can actually stop this thing.

And as hard as it is to face the end, to know he might only have a few days left in this life, he can't help but feel happy when he thinks that at least he has this, whatever this is with Spike. He got to feel this incredible, fierce joy of what he's pretty sure now is love, and even if this is the end, at least he had this.

When they get inside, Spike pushes him roughly against the door, hands all over him, running over his face and neck and shoulders.

"Can't believe that bastard touched you, grabbed your face like that. I'm gonna rip his fucking hands off and shove them down his throat..."

Xander cuts him off by shoving his tongue in his mouth. He's as desperate for contact as Spike is, clutching his shoulders and pulling him as close as possible. They tear at each other's clothes, pushing and pulling at each other until Xander feels his legs bump against the arm of the couch. Spike turns him around and bends him over the arm and Xander is naked but Spike still has his jeans on. He doesn't take them off either, just pulls his cock out shoves in. Xander is still slick from this morning, but it's not quite enough, and it burns and Xander pushes back, wanting to feel it.

Spike fucks him hard, his jeans rubbing against Xander's bare skin and the thought that he's totally naked while Spike is dressed is making him crazy. Spike is screwing him fast, selfish, just pumping into his ass with abandon, not even trying to get Xander off. Xander feels used and slutty and so fucking turned on. Spike owns his ass, moving him where he wants him, pushing him up and over the arm of the couch until his upper body is smashed into the couch cushions. He's up on his tip-toes, trying to keep his balance when Spike changes his thrusts, slows down and fucks Xander right. He's right where Xander wants him, hitting that spot on every stroke and Xander straightens his legs, muscles tight and stretched from being on his toes and it's too much, it's sensory overload, the stretch of his legs and his cock grinding into the rough material of the couch, and Spike is fucking him hard and fast and he comes so hard he can't see.

And he hears loud and clear what Spike's body is telling him without words. He hears what he's been longing to hear from Spike all along. Spike belongs to Xander, he knows that, Spike told him that. But Xander knows now. He belongs to Spike, too.




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