Just Once

Author: Fangrrl

Pairing: Spike/Xander, Xander/other

Rating: Adults Only

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Disclaimer: Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon, not me. No money is being made.

Date: 10/18/06

Xander makes his way across the cemetery quickly, trying to stay alert for danger but his mind is a million miles away. He can't believe he's going to go through with this crazy plan. Xander wants this so bad. He's getting hard just thinking about it, even though he's worried about what Spike is going to say. What if he says no?

Xander's heart is hammering in his chest as he approaches Spike's crypt. He knows he is taking a big risk coming here, but if this is really the end this time...well, it's hardly worth thinking that thought through. Somehow Xander knows this time is different. Something bad is going to happen tonight, he can feel it in his bones. Dawn is gone, taken by Glory, Buffy is no longer in a coma, but she's a wreck, and just how are they supposed to defeat a god anyway? It's like that thought propels him forward without his conscious will, and he sees his hand reach out to knock on the crypt door. The door swings open and he sees Spike making his way towards him. He must have heard Xander approaching before he knocked. Spike doesn't look surprised to see him.

"Oh, it's you." Spike gives him a wary look. "Shouldn't you be at the Magic Box getting ready for the big showdown?"

"Yeah, I was. I'm supposed to be." Xander takes a deep breath. "I wanted to ask you something. For a favor."

"A favor? What kind of favor?" Spike keeps gathering up weapons from around the crypt and he doesn't have his full attention on Xander.

"Well, it's just that if the world is actually ending tonight, I want to go out with a bang. So to speak. I don't want to leave any...unfinished business, if you get my meaning." Xander feels his face getting warm, and he's having trouble looking at Spike.

"I might get your meaning if you actually said something meaningful. Spit it out, Harris, we haven't got all night."

"There's this thing, that I want to do. I've wanted it for a long time, and now, well. This is probably the last chance I'm going to get..."

Spike is starting to look worried and he's staring at him now. Guess that got his attention. "Uh, Harris, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. I mean, what if you do survive the battle and Anyanka finds out...?"

"What? Look, it's not cheating. If I was doing it with a real person, yes that would be cheating..."

Now Spike looks pissed. "What, I'm not a real person? What am I, a sodding figment of your imagination?"

"What? Not...ewwww Spike! I'm not talking about you! The Bot. I..." Xander pauses to take a deep breath. "I want to have sex with the Buffy Bot. Me and Anya found her in the basement of the Magic Box, and well, I was thinking that if this is really the end of the world, and I'm going to die tonight..." Xander can't even look Spike in the eye.

Spike is smirking at him now. "Still carrying a torch for the Slayer, eh Harris? I get it. But what I don't get is how this involves me. You wankers took the Bot away from me, even though it is my rightful property, so do whatever the hell you want to her."

"The Bot won't do it. I got her powered up, and talking to me, but she won't let know. Have sex with her. Without your permission. So I want you to tell her it's okay."

A bark of surprised laughter makes Xander look up at Spike. Then Spike is laughing at him, not mean or mocking, just genuine peals of laughter bubbling up from his gut, and Xander feels his face get even redder.

After what feels like hours of watching Spike laugh at him, he finally gets his mirth under control. Spike takes a deep breath, holding his hand over his stomach like it hurts from laughing so much. "Okay, Harris, I'll do it. I'll give the Bot my blessing. On one condition." Spike grins that irritating grin and his tongue curls up between his teeth as he leers at Xander. "I get to watch."

"But, what, why...? Spike, knock it off. We have to be back in less than an hour, we don't have time to argue..."

"I don't want to argue. But if I'm going to do you a favor, I should get something out of it, too! And I wanna watch. A goody goody Scooby defiling his precious Buffy? Oh yeah, not going to miss out on that."

"But, why? You can't be serious..."

"I am. I get to watch, or no deal. Come on, Harris, man up. I'm not going to molest you, I'm going to sit over here and be a good boy. It'll be like watching porn." Spike starts laughing again, like he just can't help it.

Xander rolls his eyes. "Oh for the love of...okay, fine. You can watch. But only because we are seriously running out of time here."

"So where do you want to do this? Back at the Magic Box? Bit risky, don't you think?"

"Actually I brought the Bot with me. I'm supposed to be taking it back to Buffy's house to change clothes. Buffy wants to use the Bot in the big showdown with Glory."

"You brought the Bot with you?" Spike is still laughing at him. "Unbelievable. Let me guess, you were planning on fucking the Bot in Buffy's room, but she wouldn't cooperate?"

"No! Well, yeah, something like that. She started walking here to find you, I figured I was busted anyway, so..."

"Yeah, I get it. Well, tell her to come on in. We can use the bed downstairs."

"We?" Xander can't help the squeak in his voice.

"Yeah, we, Harris. We've already been over this."

"Yeah, I know, I know. Just. Can't you watch from far away? You're not going to be in the bed with us, right?"

Spike just rolls his eyes and starts down the ladder.

Xander pushes down his nervousness and goes back out the door of the crypt to where the Bot has been waiting.

"Come on in, Spike wants to talk to you."

"Oh good! I like talking to Spike. Almost as much as I like his washboard abs." The Bot strides into the crypt, looking around for Spike.

Xander lets out a breath and runs his hand over his face. Maybe this was a bad idea. Oh yeah. Definitely a bad idea. But he follows her inside anyway. The hardest part, asking Spike, is over. Xander still can't believe he's actually going to go through with this. He decides to just stop thinking and go along with whatever is about to happen.

Xander loves Anya. He meant it when he told her wanted to marry her, and he can't imagine life without her peculiar charm. But he's always wanted Buffy. In a lot of ways it feels like Buffy was his first love, even though she never returned his feelings. He's been obsessed with her for so long now, and he just wants. Wants to kiss her, just once, wants to feel her body pressed into his. He knows it's never going to happen. But tonight, maybe just for a few minutes he can pretend. Pretend it's her and if he dies tonight, he'll at least have had that. It's not real, he knows that. And he's trying hard not to think too much about what might happen if he does survive the battle with Glory. How will he ever be able to look Buffy in the eye again if he does this?

Xander climbs down the ladder into the lower level where Spike's bedroom is. It takes a minute for his eyes to adjust, but then he sees Spike and the Bot sitting on the edge of the bed talking. He cautiously approaches the pair, wondering if it is too late to just bolt out the front door and make a run for the Magic Box. Back to Anya, back to sanity, back to...the battle with Glory. Nope. He knows he's staying to see this through, however insane it might be.

"Buffy, you have my permission to have sex with Xander here, but just this once." Spike says this in a serious tone, but his eyes are laughing at Xander.

"Okay, Spike. I will have sex with Xander, but just once." The Bot grins at Spike, and turns her head to smile at Xander. "Spike says I can have sex with you, but just this once."

"I heard. Spike, will you...?" Xander gestures away from the bed with his head. Spike sighs and gets up off the bed and sits down in the chair right next to the bed.

"Can you move further away, Spike? C'mon, you're freaking me out." Xander is trying to keep the whine out of his voice, but isn't entirely successful.

"If you don't get a move on, Harris, you're not going to have time to get a leg over. So move your fat ass."

"My ass is not fat! And quit talking about my ass! Don't even think about my ass!" Spike just grins at Xander and waggles his eyebrows.

Xander glares at Spike and gets up on the bed. "Come on Buffy, come over here by me. Um, take your clothes off first." Xander is getting nervous again, but he's resolved to see this through.

Buffy Bot pulls her shirt over her head, and shimmies out of her skirt. She climbs up on the bed and lays down next to Xander completely naked. Xander can't stop looking at her body. Is that really how Buffy looks naked? How would Warren know what she looks like? Does this Bot have the same body as the April Bot? Xander tries to push those thoughts away. He wants to focus on the moment. She looks so real. He can feel himself getting hard as he looks at her smooth tanned skin and perky breasts. She's the same size as Buffy, anyway. Xander has stared at those breasts enough to know. The Bot is lovely, no doubt about it. He wants to touch now. So he does.

Xander pulls his own shirt off, and stretches out next to her, with his back to Spike. He runs his hand over her face, smoothing her hair back, then he grows bold and moves his hand over her breast, feeling the nipple harden against his fingers. He tries not to think about how a robot can have responsive nipples, but the thoughts just won't leave him alone.

"Oi! Can't see over here. Shove over, Harris."

Well that's certainly not helping his concentration any. Irritating bastard. Xander sighs and maneuvers his body over to the other side of the Bot so Spike can see. Now he has to see Spike's smug face while he's doing this.

"Better, oh undead pain in my ass?"

"Thought you didn't want me thinking about your ass?"

"I don't!"

"You brought it up!" Spike tries to look innocent, but his grin gives it away.

Xander ignores this and focuses on the Bot again. He runs his fingers through her hair and leans in for a kiss. The Bot's lips are soft and smooth, but slightly cooler than they should be. The Bot opens her mouth for him and his tongue slips inside. Her mouth is wet. How can it be wet? He strokes her tongue with his and the Bot moans softly. God. She's so responsive, it's incredible. Warren should win a freaking Nobel prize. He must have used magic.

Xander keeps kissing her and tries not to think about magical robots. He moves over her and presses his bare chest against her breasts. She puts her arms around him, one moving up into his hair, and the other slides up and down his back. Perfect, she feels so perfect. She's not warm, but she's not exactly cold either. He can feel her nipples pressing against his chest, and he's so hard now. He licks her neck and then sucks a nipple into his mouth. She gasps, and it's Buffy, god, she sounds like Buffy. Xander can't help the moan that slips out when she bucks up against him. He's so hard, and he wants this so bad. He's forgotten that Bleachboy is sitting right there, watching. All he can think of is Buffy, how sweet she sounds, how smooth her skin feels. He has to taste her. He nibbles and licks his way down her stomach, reveling in her little gasps and moans. He gently spreads her legs and nuzzles her silky inner thighs. His heart is pounding as he looks at her spread out before him. She's breathing hard now, as if in anticipation of what he's going to do. He can't wait any longer and his tongue slides into her wetness. There's no taste to speak of, but she's wet and moving her hips around like he's making her feel really good. He's forgotten for the moment what she is, but later he'll wonder how she gets wet down there. Right now, though, it doesn't matter. He's busy. He works his tongue into her, sliding in and out, then runs his tongue up to stroke over her clit. Buffy gasps and rolls her hips, running her fingers through his hair. God, this is good. So good.

Xander isn't sure how he hears it with Buffy's thighs pressed tight against his ears, but he is suddenly aware of Spike popping open his button fly. Xander jerks in surprise. Is Spike going to jack off, now, watching them? Oh god. The thought of Spike doing that should bother him, he should yell at Spike to knock it off. But instead it just makes him harder. Man, is he a pervert or what? He hears Spike gasp, and tries to ignore the shock of desire that flicks through his body at the sound. Xander decides to pretend like he doesn't know what Spike is doing. He reluctantly moves his mouth back up Buffy's body, leaving a wet trail over her stomach. He opens his own pants with relief. He leaves his pants on, just taking his dick out. He hears Spike snort at that, but he thankfully doesn't speak.

Xander kisses Buffy again and pushes her thighs further apart with his knees. He presses the head of his cock into her and can't hold back anymore. He thrusts into her and gasps. She's so tight and wet, and it's perfect. God, it's so perfect. She thrusts her hips up wantonly and Xander is gone. He pounds into her with abandon, biting his lower lip and staring down at Buffy with amazement. He can't believe he's doing this, god, he's fucking Buffy. The illusion is almost perfect. Almost. Then he realizes something. Buffy is still moving her hips up to meet each of his thrusts. But she's doing it exactly the same way each time. She doesn't stop moving to gasp, or catch her breath, she just keeps moving in the same pattern, over and over. Suddenly the veil is lifted, and Xander remembers what she is. He feels a little sick, and stops moving for a second to catch his breath. He realizes that she doesn't smell like Buffy, either. Buffy smells like the citrus perfume she always wears and strawberry shampoo. But the Bot smells like plastic, a sickly sweet scent like Willow's old Barbies, and there's a whiff of burnt wires underneath. God, what is he doing? Buffy, the real Buffy, is going to kill him if she ever finds out.

Xander pulls out and flops over onto his back next to the Bot with his eyes closed. He brings his arm over his eyes, and tries to get a grip on his emotions. He feels like shit. He's a bad friend. And a bad boyfriend, too. Anya is going to be pissed. Xander hopes for a minute that he does die tonight, because he's not sure he's ever going to be able to look any of his friends in the eye again. Willow would be so disappointed in him. Xander almost feels like crying.

"What's the matter with you, Harris? It was just getting good." Somehow Xander can hear the knowing smirk on Spike's face. "What, the Bot's not doing it for you?"

"No, Spike. The a Bot. And I just can't..."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Spike's voice is low and soft. "It's not Buffy. Looks like her, sounds like her. But it's not her. Doesn't smell like her. Doesn't feel like her. I know." Spike sounds almost sympathetic.

Xander takes a peek at Spike from under his arm. Spike looks sad, and he's looking at Xander, not at the Bot. His pants are still open, and so are Xander's. That should be weird. They're talking with their pants open. But Xander is too wrapped up in his melancholy to worry about it right now. He's upset at what he's done and he's scared of what's going to happen tonight with Glory. He's still hard though. He feels like he's been hard for hours, even though it hasn't been that long since he fucked Anya against the wall of the basement. He's so screwed up. Thinking of fucking Anya isn't helping his hard on go away, and he just wants to come. Wants to feel a warm, live person surrounding him. Wants Anya. Wants Buffy. He just needs to feel, needs the release. He wants to come his brains out so he can stop thinking about death for a few minutes. Xander can't think about what he's about to do or he's not going to do it. So with one more lingering look at Spike, he presses his arm back over his eyes, and takes his dick in hand.

His dick is still slick, so Xander gives himself a long, slow stroke, with a little twist at the end, just like he likes. He sucks in his breath at the same time he hears Spike gasp. He can't tell if Spike is shocked or pissed or, god help him, turned on, and he's not ready to move his arm to find out, either. Xander likes it under here, in the dark. He keeps moving his hand slowly, arching his back a little and rolling his hips. He hears Spike moan softly at that. Oh, fuck, yeah, Spike sounds as breathless as Xander feels, and Xander can't help it, he's getting turned on by it. By the little gasps and mutters coming from Spike, and he's picturing Spike jerking off, and suddenly Xander feels tight inside, twisted up and strung out, and he can't stop moving his hips. He's going to come soon, he's going to come like this, all wound up and anxious and he's going to do it with Spike watching, oh shit...

Suddenly the bed dips, and his hand is knocked away. He groans loudly, he was so close, but oh god, Spike is all the way on the bed now and he's moving closer, Xander can feel his weight on the bed. Spike is hovering over him, seeing his hard, sticky cock and Xander can't help it, he wants to see what is about to happen. He moves his arm and looks down just in time to see Spike's tongue lick him in one long lick, all the way to the head. Xander gasps in surprise and throws both arms over his head and tries not to buck his hips. Spike is watching him. And Xander can't take his eyes off of Spike. He dips his head down and Xander's cock slides into his mouth, his wet tight mouth, and oh god it feels so perfect. So real. Spike's mouth is cool, but his tongue is busy and man, is he good at that. So good. Xander's heart is pounding again and he's not going to last, it's too good to last, he needs to come so bad, and he feels Spike's hand stroking up his thigh and then Spike gently squeezes his balls and that's it, Xander's coming and coming in Spike's wet mouth and man it's a sweet one, like he's had to wait all night for it. Xander's chest is heaving and he's moaning too loudly, he knows, but he just can't help it. Spike keeps on sucking until he's shuddering and too sensitive, then he feels himself slip out of Spike's mouth and he just lies there with his eyes squeezed shut. He may never move again. Xander is completely wrung out and his head is finally, thankfully quiet. He can't think about anything except how good he feels. Even the soles of his feet are tingling.

Xander finally shakes off the languid feeling in his body enough to open his eyes and look at Spike. Spike is sitting back on his heels, pants still open and his dick is hard, but he's not touching it. He's just looking at Xander. He doesn't look mad, or disgusted, or pissed. Xander can't tell what that look means. He decides he doesn't care. He sits up and grabs Spike's hand, pulling him down next to him on the bed. Suddenly Xander remembers the Bot is there. He looks over at her and she grins her plasticine grin. Xander huffs a little laugh and shakes his head. God, he's stupid. He turns back to Spike with what he knows is a goofy grin on his face. Spike grins back at him. Xander can't help it, he has to kiss that grin. He leans in and catches Spike by surprise, kissing him hard, then pulling back to run his tongue softly over Spike's lips. Spike opens up for him and they're kissing. He's kissing Spike. Xander feels tingly all over with afterglow and he never, ever wants to stop kissing. He's loving Spike's mouth, he's making love to Spike's mouth. Xander can't help it, he's clutching Spike's shoulders, and pressing him into the bed, hard. He thinks it should feel weird, to lie on top of another guy, to be on top of Spike, but it's not. It's hot and Spike is moaning into his mouth and wriggling around like he's got ants in his pants. Xander moves over a bit and runs his hand down Spike's chest and doesn't stop until his hand is on his dick. Spike yelps when Xander squeezes him hard, and starts moving his hips, thrusting into Xander's hand. Xander pulls back a little and just watches, watches Spike writhing around and fucking his hand. It's unbelievably sexy. Spike is sexy, moaning and shaking his head back and forth like he's saying no, but god, his hips never stop moving so it must mean yes. Xander nuzzles his neck, just rubbing his lips back and forth over the same spot, and that makes Spike pant and Xander feels his dick swell in his hand. Spike is close, Xander can feel it in his palm. Suddenly he licks the spot he's been teasing and then sucks the wet skin between his teeth. He bites down hard and Spike comes with a long, high-pitched moan that thrills Xander to his toes. He feels Spike's come coat his hand and he slows down, but doesn't stop stroking him until Spike is pushing his hand away, gasping "Enough!"

Xander doesn't move away. He stays close to Spike's side, listening to Spike come down and reveling in how good he feels right now. He can't find it in himself to be worried or scared about anything. All he feels is sated and relaxed. He peeks at Spike, and sees that Spike is smiling. Not smirking, or grinning, but just smiling like someone just gave him a present. It's not for Xander's benefit, because Spike's eyes are closed. He looks happy. Xander feels terribly proud of himself for putting that look on Spike's face. Spike suddenly opens his eyes and blinks at the look on Xander's face.

"Feeling a bit chuffed, are we?"

Xander can't help the snort of laughter that escapes his lips. "I still don't like you." Xander tries, but can't stop smiling.

"So you keep telling me." Spike is still smiling back.

Somehow, Xander knows things are never going to be the same after tonight. Dawn could die, and Glory might win and the world may become a literal hell. He still thinks he might not make it through this battle. But right now he just feels too good to care.




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